Alone in the Tunnel of Love

Despite the goofy face in the pic, I’m pretty happy about it. I love love. I love being in love. And I have a lot of love to give. But if the past year of dating has taught me anything, it’s that the road to true love is paved with married men and guys who don’t get me. 

I’ve been divorced for about a decade, and I’ve found dating to be truly frustrating and mind-bending. You might meet a weirdo on Tinder (as you’d likely expect), or he might be a nice, normal person hoping to meet someone new too. Like a strange unicorn. Then again, I’ve gotten some truly bizarre sexual requests from men (they involved having to look things up on the internet or relying on my Howard Stern listening) that I never even met on “nicer” sites like OK Cupid or Match.

I meet wonderful men who live far away, turn out to be married, or both. I’ve met men who seem really nice, but then turn controlling or crazy. I’ve tried all the apps, and the “good” ones aren’t any better than the others. And it’s exhausting. The hours it takes to create profiles that no one reads (but if you don’t have one, forget it), the thoughtful texts you send that someone will just reply with a dick pick or a “hey” is uninspiring. I just don’t have the energy for it. I’ll spend hours or weeks chatting with someone who seems normal, then I meet them and they aren’t. Or even worse, they vanish into thin air, presumably meeting someone less complicated than I am. 

And I am complicated. I have a kid, a full-time job, a long commute, a bunch of friends who I like to spend time with and a host of weird and time consuming hobbies. My free time is very limited, so I like to make the most of it.

My nights are usually filled with hours of texting and getting to know yet another new person who will inevitably be like, “you don’t like cake? I think that’s a dealbreaker.” Or more often, “you have an issue with me having a wife?” Yeah. I do. 

But lately I’ve been trying hard to focus on much more productive things, like self care and learning new skills. Meditation is great. I may still be lonely sometimes and wish I had someone to have a few beers with (see also, @angellovesbeer), but I’d honestly rather drink alone than deal with the craziness of online dating.

Instead, I’ve been focusing on what I want in life and figuring out how to travel more. I’m sorry to disappoint my friends who love hearing my admittedly amusing horror stories, but I won’t miss having to Google the underground sex acts a guy asks me for in his first DM. 

I know there are good guys out there, and I know I’m great and deserve someone great. I’ve heard all that. But I’m tired of looking. If he’s out there, he can find me. I’ll be happily traveling the world, snuggling my cats, expanding my horizons or hanging out in a brewery in the meantime. Oh, and if you’re him and looking for me, make sure your passport is up-to-date.