Do you ever feel like you can’t decide what you want to do next? Either you are uninspired and have no ideas, or you have too many ideas and that prospect overwhelms you? Yeah, the latter is where I’ve been for a while. Sitting here on the figurative Porch of Indecision (I found a real one in Orlando this summer), trying to figure out my next steps about… everything.
I have been creatively inspired so much lately, that I have notebooks and notebooks of awesome ideas. Detailed to do lists and outlines for DAYS. All of the ideas and projects speak to me in different ways and I’m excited at the prospect of bringing them to life… but I’m having trouble picking one and focusing. So instead, I do a little bit of one and a little bit of another, and never really finish much of anything these days. I could blame Mercury being in retrograde, but since this has been happening since September, its more than just the weight of the astrological world being backwards.
I am struggling to find a balance between getting stuff done, self-care and you know, laundry. I want to go to the gym, or go running, and I’ll go for a long hike and then a week goes by in a blur and I’m still sitting here on this porch, doing 50 other things with very little to show for it. I’ve been sewing a lot, which I love, but have been slow to finish the actual projects people have requested from me, instead doing things that are selfish and not going to help me grow any kind of business.
This blog (angelsgoingplaces.com) was supposed to be about travel, but has been neglected or just a space for me to vent about my random life, instead of giving inspirational stories or travel tips. My house is half decorated for Halloween and half for Christmas. My handmade holiday gifts are half made and just all over the house.
And its not just that, I’ve been wishy-washy about a lot of decisions. I think about dating again, and then change my mind the next day. I decide I’m going to go vegetarian for a month, and then meet up with a hamburger. I say I’m not going to spend any money and be better about managing my finances, and then boxes of stuff I ordered late at night arrive at my doorstep show up. I started waking up early to get things done, and then I sit on my couch and feel overwhelmed by options.
I just feel like if I could make up my mind and stick to one thing and finish it, it would all be fine… maybe? I just need to get there. If I’ve gotten anything done (like my Halloween costume) its because I’ve had looming deadlines, commitments with friends or family or you know, get paid to do it for my day job. I wanted to do a whole month of gratitude posts about all of the things I’m so lucky to have… and its is November 19th and I haven’t done a single one.
Maybe I just need someone to give me life deadlines? Is that a thing? Is that what life coaches do? I’ve tried to do it myself, but have been ignoring my own deadlines. I hope I figure it all out soon. In the meantime feel free to come find me hanging on the porch of indecision with a beer, its a mediocre place to be.